


The Light and the Lantern

by Roadrat



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coming Out, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Happy Ending, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:13:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25581904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roadrat/pseuds/Roadrat
Summary: "They played little kid games which Naruto would either lose or cheat at. It was a soft kind of support, a small recognition that they both had no one else to be with. Sasuke was his first real friend, someone who saw his strangeness and didn't bother to correct it."Sasuke Uchiha drops like a stone back into the life of his childhood friend. He has a lot on his plate right now, and this isn't something he wants to deal with.Sakura Haruno lives as a supporting character to everyone else she knows. That's fine, she supposes, as long as they're happy.Naruto Uzumaki has lost a lot. He still smiles, though.It's a high school love story, guys.
Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 40
Kudos: 65





	1. The New Kid

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted to write something kind of angsty, kind of fluffy, kind of funny. Hope you enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New draft of this chapter. For those of you who read the first draft, thank you for sticking with it. For those of you who didn't, thank you for not reading the first draft of this chapter. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Another closed door.

Sasuke had his hands stuffed deep into his pockets as he stood face to face with the faux-wood veneer of the chipboard. The buzz of restless voices, muffled and indistinct, drifted from the room beyond, biting at his ears like gnats. There was a mustiness to the air here that reminded him of home. The narrow corridor bounced sound around like a toy, so that every shuffle or cough he made came echoed back at him. That reminded him of home, too. The emptiness.

It was fine. It was nothing. He'd met his homeroom teacher already, Mr Sarutobi, a big guy who smelled like cigarettes. He'd toured the school with his father's gigantic hands sewn onto his shoulder, driven from room to office to room like a machine. He knew his schedule and where the bathrooms were. He was prepared. A few months, maybe a little longer, and he'd be out of here.

He held himself up to his full, impressive height and set a tight grip on the doorhandle. The doors felt lighter than back at home, but maybe that was just his imagination.

Sasuke tried to enter discreetly, taking no time to acknowledge how the bubble of conversation dipped and rose and dipped again as thirty pairs of eyes settled on him. He made a beeline for the closest available seat, sandwiched between a boy and a girl, tucked close by the window and near the front of the class. There was another at the back, sitting underneath a precarious display of some previous year's work, but at least here he wouldn't have to bear the not-so-subtle glances his new classmates would throw towards him.

“Right,” Sarutobi boomed, his voice like a hammer. “I suppose now's as good a time as any. Sit down and stay quiet, I've got announcements.”

There was no reason for someone to project so constantly in such a small room, but Sasuke supposed tecahers had to have a knack for it. At least now he wouldn't forget about the gym being out of bounds until fourth period, or the mathletics competition being held next month. Not that it did him a lot of good, but it paid to be alert.

“And Sasuke,” Sarutobi said, smiling warmly. Sasuke felt his jaw tighten. He felt eyes descend on him like birds on a wire. “Do you want to introduce yourself to your new classmates?”

“Not really.”

Sarutobi's eyes narrowed, but he kept the smile. “Would you do it anyway?”

He took a moment to close his eyes and take a deep, deep breath. This was nothing. He just had to remember the plan. With well-performed effort, he hauled himself from the seat he had chosen and dragged his feet to Sarutobi's desk. “I'm Sasuke,” he said, then immediately began the walk back to his chair.

“Wait, hang on. Any likes or dislikes, Sasuke?”

“No,” he replied, not pausing in his stride.

“Favourite subjects?”

“Sport.”

“Any sticks up your ass?” called a gruff voice from the back.

“Kiba!” snapped Sarutobi, quelling the scattered laughter. “Don't make fun!”

It wasn't as if Sasuke cared. There was no reason to explain himself to a room full of people he didn't know and no reason to let little boys with big mouths get to him. He stared intently forward and allowed the rising babble to wash him into obscurity. Or he would, if the boy on his left didn't keep stealing looks with this idiotic frown on his face and the girl on his right could stop batting her eyelids like she had dust stuck between them. Sasuke did his best to block out everything that wasn't the whiteboard, burying the annoyance he felt deep into his stomach. It was nothing.

“Hey,” the girl beside him said, as soon as it became apparent he wasn't going to take the bait. She flashed teeth at him and, for some reason, Sasuke found it almost threatening. “I'm Ino,” she said, extending a hand. “Ino Yamanaka.”

He didn't even bother to look at it.

“You gonna leave me hanging here?”

“Maybe.”

She laughed. “Rude, aren't you?”

Sasuke huffed and she laughed again.

“Come on,” she said, waving her hand in his face. “Be a good boy and take it.”

He gave a thought to ignoring her further before deciding she'd only get more persistent that way. “Sasuke Uchiha,” he said, barely brushing her hand and speaking with what he thought was finality in his tone.

The boy squawked. “You _are_ Sasuke!”

“Nice one, Naruto, you're so smart.”

Naruto. Sasuke frowned. He knew that name, right? It wasn't exactly common. For the first time, Sasuke took a good look at one of his classmates, a boy with thick, reddish-brown hair, almost gold when the sun hit it right. And that's not a colour you see very often, either, so where did he know it from?

The boy stuck his tongue out at Ino, who stuck her tongue out right back at him. “No,” he said, “ _my_ Sasuke. I told you about him once, I think.” Naruto turned to him, a gigantic smile across his face. “I'm Naruto, from Honaby? You remember me?”

Oh. It was the boy he used to play with, the one who appeared one day at his primary school and never made any friends. He'd attached himself like a barnacle to Sasuke during recesses. He'd always wondered what happened to that kid.

“No,” replied Sasuke. “Sorry.”

Ino laughed again as Naruto's face fell, a high, bright sound like the tap of metal on metal. “Just ignore him,” she said, resting her head on the palm of her hand and leaning far into his personal space. “Anyway, I hope you're not too nervous, Sasuke -”

“I'm not nervous.”

“Of course not! Why would you be?” She gave his arms a raking glance. “You look like you can handle yourself.”

“Oh my God.”

“Shut up, Naruto.”

Naruto rolled his eyes and stood up, turning towards the back of the class where the Kiba guy sat with his cronies. Of course they'd be friends; the kid he knew at Honaby was just as loud and obnoxious.

“I could show you around the school if you'd like?”

“Seen it.”

“Come see it again.”

“I'm fine.”

“Ugh, stop being no fun and just accept the invitation.”

Sasuke blinked. For a moment he was furious, a pique of emotion so violent that it came close to scaring him. He didn't need a guide, or a friend, or anyone for that matter, and he turned to tell her exactly that before she beat him to the punch.

“Finally. You should look people in the eye more often, it's good to see a pretty face.”

He let a hard pocket of air rocket from his mouth, imagined all his anger leaving with his breath. Where had that come from? He'd kept everything so controlled, so neat. He had a plan. This was all just a stopgap, a night at the motel before he moved in with Itachi. These people didn't matter. This was nothing, he had to remember that.

“Whatever,” he muttered, turning once again to the front of the room.

“Whatever yes or whatever no?”

Sasuke shrugged one shoulder. “Whatever.”

Ino punched the air. “Hey Forehead!” She called, back towards the circle Naruto had joined. “You wanna help me show Sasuke around?”

“What, really?” A girl with pink hair replied. A soft blush spread across her cheeks. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her react to something Naruto said by punching him on the arm. “Wait a sec!”

“Move it or lose it, Forehead! Mr Sarutobi?” Sarutobi looked up from the magazine he'd hidden between the homework sheets he was supposed to be marking. “Can we show Sasuke around?”

“Are you alright with that, Sasuke?”

He shrugged, doing his best to look as disinterested as possible. They could take him to the moon for all he cared, it wouldn't change anything.

“Go ahead.”

*

“So your date went well?” Choji asked around a mouthful of what used to be omelette.

Naruto scowled. They'd been talking about Sasuke non-stop since lunch started and it was beginning to grate. He was just so _cool_ and _good looking_ and _smart._ He answered every question right in the math test sprung on them by Ms Kurenai, even the tricky ones about functions, and then he'd gone and given them all a perfect analysis of _Wuthering Heights_ next period. He didn't bother replying to anyone's compliments or rising to their barbs. Hell, he barely bothered to acknowledge anyone outside the high and mighty circle of himself and whatever teacher he was hoping to impress. And for some reason, that made him _mysterious_ and _interesting_ rather than an attention-seeking dickhead. Not that Naruto could talk about attention-seeking, but it takes one to know one.

Besides, how could he have forgotten Naruto? It's not like he had any friends back then, either.

“It wasn't a date,” Naruto grumbled. “They showed him around the school. You can't have a date with two people at once.”

“That guy probably could,” Shikimaru said, sleepily. Sakura pinched him.

For the life of him, Naruto couldn't work out what was so damn fascinating about the guy. He looked nice, but so what? Guys like him were given everything and blamed the world for giving it to them. They didn't see people, they saw stepping stones and conquests, and it was so blindingly obvious to Naruto that he was finding it hard to believe no one else saw it, too. They just talked in hushed tones about how smart he was (except Shikimaru, who was smarter, but even he seemed impressed and it made Naruto's gut coil with something childish and unwanted). If Sasuke was so smart, maybe he should figure out where his head ended and his ass began.

“It was fine,” Sakura said, before Ino had a chance to jump back in with her own vision of conquest. “He's nice. Well, not... not _nice_ exactly, but...” Naruto didn't miss the dreamy look in her eye.

“He's just _sooooo_ pretty,” he simpered, finished Sakura's sentence with mock enthusiasm. “Whatever, I'm pretty too.”

Kiba snorted. “Did Umino tell you that?”

“Yeah, so what if he did? Your parents don't tell you you're pretty? That's weird, Kiba, you're weird.”

“They tell me I'm _handsome,_ stupid.”

“I can be both.”

“You can't even be one, neither of you,” Ino said, derisively. “Sasuke, on the other hand...” she trailed off, distracted by something.

“Oh my God, can we please talk about something other than that smug prick?!”

There was a moment of heavy silence. Kiba's eyes lit up with an animal joy.

“Uh, Naruto...”

“What?” he replied testily, eyeing Sakura as she pointed to a spot behind him. Naruto felt his eyelids flutter closed. Of course.

“You've been talking about me?”

He was carrying a lunch tray, smirking and holding himself in that infuriating way that let him look down on everyone. His forearms were taught and lean and very close to Naruto's face.

“ _I_ wasn't saying shit,” Naruto grumbled, turning back around. He folded his arms stubbornly across his chest. “Why the hell would I talk about you?”

“Maybe you're obsessed.”

“Oh, shut up.”

Sakura coughed, giving Naruto a dangerous look. “You want to join us, Sasuke?” she asked.

Both boys replied with the word “no” in such perfect unison, with such profound feeling, that a couple of people from the table across from them turned to stare. Something odd and sickly settled into Naruto's chest at that, a kind of sadness he didn't want to recognise.

Ino pulled a chair out beside her. “Come on, surly, come sit.”

“I don't want to.”

“Of course you don't,” Naruto muttered, rolling his eyes.

“What's that supposed to mean?”

“What do you think? Use that mega-brain of yours if you're so smart.”

Sasuke's lips formed a hard, thin line across his face. “Shut up,” he replied, a beat too late.

Naruto cracked a smile. “Ohh, I'm Sasuke, I think I'm clever because I know all the secrets of space and time even though I'm terrified of holding a conversation for more than five seconds. Dumbass.”

“Like you can talk, dead-la-”

He stopped himself, but not before Naruto heard enough to make his eyes widen in shock.

“You _do_ remember!”

“Whatever.”

“Whatever my _dick,_ you totally remember me!” Naruto cackled. “Aww, Sasuke, I'm glad I left such a deep impression.”

Something furious was stirring in Sasuke's eyes and it made Naruto almost sick with glee. This he could do, pushing buttons, getting a reaction. If Sasuke didn't want to own up to remembering him, fine, but he'd never let it go until he got an admission. And that look, the knives Sasuke sent flying in his direction, that was beautiful. He needed more of that.

“Wanna come reminisce with me, buddy?”

“Stop trying to be smart, dead-last, you're not good at it.”

“Better than you, apparently.”

An electric tension in the air that Naruto could almost taste. The sharp focus of Sasuke's eyes on his.

“You couldn't be smart if you tried.”

“Hey, buddy, don't be like that.”

Atmosphere stretched like a tarp pulled tight. Something ready to snap.

“I'm not your buddy.”

“Not how I remember it. We were bosom to bosom, baby.”

“Why would I be friends with a loser who got bullied out his own school, pussy.”

Oh.

Naruto felt his head roll backwards as if he'd been punched in the jaw. All the lightning that had crackled across his skin fizzled suddenly away, leaving a lingering, clammy feeling which stuck to his body like glue. Back came the sounds of the cafeteria. Garbled babbling and the scratch of cutlery on plates. An outraged roar from Kiba, Sakura's fist slammed down on the table. Naruto himself made a small squeak at the back of his throat, quiet enough that nobody heard it, though it still made his neck feel hot with shame.

His ears were full of cotton.

Sasuke, all credit to him, seemed to notice he had crossed a line somewhere. If it were any other time, with any other person, Naruto might have found solace in the spark of feat that flashed across Sasuke's features. He might have raised calming hands and grinned away whatever memories came back. He would have, if he knew how. Right now, though, he felt nothing.

Right back there again. All numb.

The table was getting further away.

No, he was standing.

“I'll see you all later,” he heard himself say, keeping his eyes cast firmly downwards. He made it a point to push past Sasuke as if he wasn't there.

He pretended not to hear his table erupt when they thought he was out of earshot and, when that didn't work, he pretended it didn't make him feel worse.

He was seven years old again.

*

She could taste the words she had left to say. Even now, stomping through the school grounds with her fists clenched tightly by her sides, they festered under her tongue.

Who does that? Take the very worst thing that happened to someone and throw it right back in their face. She ignored the little voice whining at the back of her mind, something about expecting Sasuke to know things he probably never learned, because no one knows things they haven't learned. You still don't say stuff like that. You don't. And besides, if he knew Naruto back then he must have at least put together that it was a touchy subject.

Sakura took a moment to stand still and calm herself. Students made their reluctant way back to classrooms, stealing quick glances at the time, or at each other. It was spring, and the dappled light that filtered through Konoha's great trees painted the grounds in thick brushstrokes. She could skip next period; it was biology and Ms Shizune loved her. Right now she needed to find Naruto.

She does so much for that boy. Someday she'll take a moment to wonder why, but not right now.

She checked their homeroom first, finding only Shino and Hinata reading together in companionable silence. Then she barged into the boys toilets on the second floor of the Languages building, the one Naruto said was the only one he used because no one else could be bothered to climb the stairs. He wasn't there either.

He wasn't by the school gates, wasn't at reception, wasn't at his next class (and Sakura was getting desperate if she really thought he'd be there). Eventually she resigned herself to knocking on the door of the English office so she could ask Mr Umino, only to find him sitting at Umino's desk, head cradled in his arms, staring vacantly at the whitewash of the wall.

“Hey,” she said, quietly. There were no other teachers, probably all in classrooms earning their paychecks. It gave the office a grave atmosphere.

He was slow to look at her, and when he did his eyes had a glassy look to them, like he had trouble focusing. “Oh,” came his reply. “Hey, Sakura.”

“You okay?”

He shrugged one shoulder and went back to looking at the wall.

She had to be careful. Careful, careful, careful. One mistake and she'd send him right back there again, and she couldn't be the one to do that to him. She couldn't.

“You were right, you know,” she said, almost whispered, really. She pulled a chair slowly to his side. “Sasuke is an asshole.”

That got a laugh out of him. Just one huff of breath, but still something.

“Naruto, look at me.” He turned, looking through her rather than at her. His face was blank and it occurred to Sakura how expressive Naruto usually was. It was disconcerting to see him so level. “You good?” she asked, because she didn't know what else to say.

“I'll be alright.”

“Really?”

He grinned at her, and suddenly it was as if the old Naruto had never left. It was a change so rapid that Sakura almost reached for her neck, expecting whiplash.

“Yeah, Sakura, thanks," he assured her. "Aren't you missing class?”

She wasn't stupid and Naruto wasn't subtle. “I'm not going anywhere.”

“Iruka's gonna get mad.”

“Let him.”

The grin fell off his face like oil off water. He shrugged, a 'better-you-than-me' gesture if there ever was one, and went back to staring at the wall. They spent about fifteen minutes in silence, neither of them doing much other than knowing the other was there.

“It's just...” he whispered, breaking the silence without warning. Sakura turned her head a fraction towards him so he knew she was listening. “I miss them.”

She gripped his hand. “Yeah,” she said. “Yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)


	2. Sasuke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a scuffle towards the end of this chapter. It's not graphic, but there are mentions of blood and bruises.  
> Enjoy!

There's the shed at Honaby, a quaint blue structure covered in plastic butterflies, sandwiched between the main hall and the field. If you were child-sized or sitting down you'd find yourself sinking into your own little world, like when you dig a hole large enough to step into at the beach. Suddenly all the noises wash away, the sound of your breath and the beat of your heart echo in your ears, and the whole earth follows the rhythm you set.

They had an unspoken arrangement, Naruto and Sasuke. Every few days, without real rhyme or reason, they meet up here and play. Little kid games which Naruto either loses or cheats at. It's a soft kind of support, a small recognition that they both had no one else to be with, but a friend is a friend even if only for lack of choices.

Sometimes, Sasuke catches Naruto watching the other kids on the playground. His eyes track games of football and It, his mouth twitches and his little fists jump with every kick or catch or tumble. So Sasuke pushes him and tells him to pay attention, the way his dad does.

Usually, Naruto pushes him back and they carry on with whatever silly game they'd come up with. Today he has a question, instead.

“Do you think they'd play with us?”

“No.”

“Why not?” Naruto whines. He comes over to sit by Sasuke, who's busying himself by drawing a hopscotch grid with six extra boxes.

“They don't like us, stupid.”

“Maybe they do, you don't know.”

Sasuke flaps his hands and makes a face. He doesn't bother replying.

Naruto continues to watch. “I could ask Inari, he talks to me sometimes. I like him.”

“No.”

“But _why?_ ”

“I don't want to play with Inari. And he doesn't like us.”

“He likes me.”

“No one likes you, you're dead-last and stupid.”

“I'm not stupid!”

“That's what everyone says. They say you hit your head as a baby.”

That's not a lie, they do say that. Some of the kids stage-whisper it behind their hands when they know Naruto is within earshot, and most of the adults purse their lips and say nothing when they hear it.

Sasuke doesn't miss the way Naruto steps back and reaches for his head, nor how his eyes drop like stones to the ground. It means he's winning.

“They don't say that,” Naruto mutters.

“They do, I've heard them.”

“Inari doesn't say that.”

“He does.” Sasuke didn't know for sure, but he can assume. Even if he doesn't say it, he's probably heard it and he probably believes it.

“He doesn't! Inari is nice, unlike _you._ ”

“Of course you'd believe that. You're dead-last in everything and – stop crying!”

“I'm not!” Naruto shouts, rubbing small fists furiously at his eyes.

Sasuke folds his arms. “Boys don't cry.”

“I've seen you cry!”

“No you haven't, don't lie!”

“I'm not lying, _poop_ ske, I saw you cry when your dad -”

Sasuke pushes him into the dirt. “I _don't_ cry, boys _don't_ cry, don't your parents teach you anything?”

“I don't _need_ parents to tell me anything!” Naruto screams, launching himself towards Sasuke like a wild animal.

No one ever comes to the shed. It's like peace. Away from here you get adults who treat you like you might break with a look and kids who don't look at all. Sometimes a stern word from a shouty teacher, or a disappointed tut from the ones who think they're better than you. So it's calming to let fists fly and connect with skin, feel the flower of a bruise open up against your cheek. Those things stick around for a while, like reminders. They're yours.

By the end, Sasuke has a bloody lip and Naruto has a bruise on each cheek. They're quiet aside from the sounds of heavy breathing and little whimpers of pain they both pretend not to notice.

“Sorry,” Sasuke mutters. He feels both better and worse.

Naruto shrugs. “S'okay.” A small pause. “Are we still friends?”

“Yeah. Sorry.”

Naruto beams at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :)


	3. The Arrangement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rewrote the first chapter a little. Nothing major, just a little extra detail. Check it out if you'd like.
> 
> Thank you all for you comments. I try only to log in when I'm posting something so I may not reply, but I read them all and I truly appreciate each one.

“Alright, guys, listen up!” Sarutobi clapped his dustbin lid hands three times until the room was quiet. “Before you leave this room, I want you to collect one of these,” he dropped a pile of A4 paper onto his desk, “and get a parent or guardian to fill it in by this time next week.”

“What's it for, sex-ed?”

“You know, Kiba, usually I'd tell you to clam up for the sake of our collective sanity, but you happen to be right on the money this time.”

“What, really?”

“A broken clock, right?”

There was a smattering of nervous laughter. Ino elbowed Sakura in the ribs, waggling her eyebrows suggestively when she turned to look.

“Just go get the slips, Ino,” she said, not bothering to hide her smile.

“You think it would be funny if I sat next to Sasuke for this?” Ino asked when she came back, raising her own permission slip high in the air and tossing another to Sakura.

“For you, maybe.”

“For everyone else, too.”

Sakura made a disbelieving noise.

“Maybe he'll fall for me.”

Sakura made an even more disbelieving noise.

“You're my friend!” Ino whined, pushing her. “You're supposed to support me!”

“Find something worth being supported for.”

“Ouch.”

She shrugged, burying her nose back in the beaten book she'd pilfered from the library. No one would miss it.

“Come on, help a girl out.”

“How?”

“Be my winglady.”

Sakura sighed, closed the book she hadn't been reading and looked Ino in the eye. “You can do better than him, you know.”

Ino raised an eyebrow. “Look at him, Sakura. He's a hunk. A twink.”

“That's – Ino, that's not what twink means.”

“I know what it means.”

“No, you absolutely do not.”

“Well whatever, he's hot and I want him.” She sighed dramatically, splaying across her desk like the centrepiece of a pre-raphaelite painting. “He can be part of my collection.”

“Collection?”

“Boy collection.”

Sakura laughed. "Since when have you had a boy collection?"

“I can start one,” Ino replied, looking vaguely offended.

“He's not a brooch, Ino, you can't just own him.”

“A brooch?” Ino shot her a confused look. “Are you fifty?”

“I like brooches.”

“Honey.”

Sakura sniffed. “Besides,” she said, sidestepping Ino's comment. “He's a pig.”

Ino groaned, leaning away from Sakura and sliding a hand down her face. “God, let it go, Sakura, we've all made mistakes.”

That was wrong. A mistake was filling an incorrect date on a test, or hitting backspace on a keyboard when you meant to press return. You couldn't make mistakes with people. They got hurt, or scared, or they ran away. Mistakes were a luxury of objects.

Sakura shook her head. “What makes you think he'd even talk to you?” she asked. “He's got the social intelligence of a fork.”

“Well,” said Ino, and Sakura knew that look, the conniving one she wore when she knew exactly what she wanted and exactly how to get it. “I was thinking, maybe Sasuke could give me some tips on all that mathsy stuff, you know?”

“You take Calculus.”

“Oh yeah, I totally forgot! See, I do need the help.” She made to move from her desk.

“Ino, don't do it.”

She rose.

“Ino, you cow,” Sakura hissed. “Get back here.”

“If you want to supervise you're free to come ask, too. Hell, you might even snatch him from under me – as long as one of us gets him, I'm happy.” Ino flashed a smirk at her. “But I want it to be me.”

“After the stunt he pulled yesterday?”

“Oh, please, how the hell was he supposed to know?”

“They went to the same school!”

“When they were, like, eight.”

“So?”

“Eight year olds don't go around talking about death as much as you think they do.”

“Ino!”

Ino rolled her eyes and dropped her voice. She leant down, so her breath played against Sakura's cheek. “Listen, Sakura, none of us are little kids anymore. Naruto's a big boy now and we're big, grown up girls. He doesn't need you protecting him all the time.” She turned both palms towards the ceiling. “Just, God, give it a rest.”

She walked away before Sakura even had a chance to open her mouth.

Ino used to cry when either of her parents picked her up from school. She'd keep an arm wrapped around Sakura's and wail that they were still playing, and when that didn't work she's say Sakura was sick and that she needed to take care of her. So Sakura would play along, coughing pathetically and doing her best to imagine symptoms for the increasingly fantastic diseases Ino would come up with. Dragon breath, snake face, pink hair syndrome (that one had hurt, though Sakura had never mentioned it). She'd roar and hiss and shout until Ino was laughing too much to remember why she was sad.

What happened? Sakura felt her eyebrows slide slowly together. Was that the same person? The girl she used to play dress up with? Who wanted a face tattoo when she got older and who cried when things didn't go her way? When did she grow up? And speaking of that, why hadn't Sakura? Why was she still watching Ino's back get smaller and smaller?

Why was she still scrambling to follow it?

*

Sasuke was trying very hard to melt into the wall. He moped at the one free seat not next to Naruto, keeping a wary eye on the bent nails holding the display up above him and fiddling with the four candy bars he had stuffed into his pockets. He could feel nougat oozing from the soft body of the candy, the chocolate having melted somewhere between the walk from the shop and the nervous fondling he'd subjected them to.

He had no idea what he'd done, only that he'd been coasting by without much trouble until Naruto decided to open his big mouth. It wasn't like he was the only person who'd ever been bullied. Hell, Sasuke got bullied when he was a kid, only he had the gall to fight back. He thought Naruto had, too. Why else had they been friends?

It was a familiar and frustrating feeling, this lack of clarity. He could admit that he perhaps shouldn't have brought it up, but he'd only mentioned it because that was exactly what Naruto had said happened all those years ago. And even then, the reaction had been totally over the top. Not from Naruto so much as his friends; the pink-haired girl who screamed herself hoarse, Kiba's vicious snarling. Even the boy with the ponytail who seemed glued to whatever flat surface his head was resting on had watched him like a hawk.

He hadn't known. He still didn't. But whatever he'd done, it had clearly been something bad, and now the plan might be in danger. All he needed was to keep his head low, wait until Itachi came back, and refuse to give Fugaku an excuse to poke his nose any further into Sasuke's life than necessary.

Those were the reasons he had to make things right. He hadn't considered that it might be difficult.

Naruto hadn't looked at him. His eyes had glazed over Sasuke entirely when he'd entered the room, as if there was nothing but wall in the space he was supposed to exist. It reminded him uncomfortably of home and he hated it.

When Sarutobi slammed the sex-ed slips onto his desk, it offered the perfect excuse for Sasuke to haul his bag onto his shoulder and stalk towards the front. He took longer than necessary picking a slip, as if each one were a delicate work of art, until he eventually became so disgusted at his own weakness that he turned and strode towards Naruto's desk just to prove that he could.

He stood there awkwardly, at a complete loss for what to say.

“Can I help you?” Naruto asked, coldly.

Sasuke threw the chocolate bars inelegantly in front of him. “Here,” he said, stiffly. There was a moment as Naruto stared nonplussed towards the offering in which Sasuke couldn't tell what to do with himself. What was the protocol in situations like this? What were you supposed to say? “They're chocolate bars,” he mumbled, as if it were an interesting factoid and not a statement of the obvious.

“They're Suna bars,” Naruto corrected.

“Yeah.”

“You remembered I like Suna bars?”

“I just decided to get them. If you don't want them give them back.”

Naruto glanced down, then up again. Sasuke didn't like that look. “You're apologising to me.”

“Just eat them, asshole.”

“You are, aren't you!”

Sasuke made to snatch the bars away. It was a half-hearted attempt and they both knew it, but for a moment Sasuke felt the fear of having done something wrong. It troubled him, he found himself feeling like a kid around this guy more and more, so when the smile bloomed over Naruto's face he felt the knot he'd been trying to swallow loosen.

“You're such a loser,” Naruto said, quietly.

“Like you can talk.”

He giggled. It was nice, that sound. Little peals like the sound of wooden windchimes. The hard line of Sasuke's shoulders fell from his ears to a more natural level, his chest became lighter, his knuckles less pale as his fingers loosened their hold on his sleeves.

“You can sit down, you know.”

“Oh. Yeah, I know.”

Naruto giggled again. He tore the wrapper from the first bar with a delicate twist before he dug the whole thing out and stuffed it into his mouth. It hung between his lips like a cigar. “You want one?” he asked, offering Sasuke a Suna bar with hands covered in chocolate.

“Keep those things away from me.”

“You don't like chocolate?”

“Not when it's all over your fingers.”

“Aww, you sure you don't like it better that way?”

There was no reason to deign that with a response. There was really no reason to say anything at all, now. His conscience was clear and, whatever he'd done, Naruto clearly forgave him. Sasuke had set things right before they had a chance to come back and bite him in the ass. Nothing more to it.

Naruto's greasy finger was uncomfortably close to his face, though.

“Do you genuinely not know I'm doing this or are you ignoring me?”

“I'm ignoring you.”

“Oh damn, you're good at that.”

Sasuke said nothing.

“You're gonna be so funny in that sex-ed class.”

“Shut up, dead-last.”

“I bet you get embarrassed and go all red.”

“Not as much as your virgin ass would.”

“Jerking it doesn't count, Sasuke.”

Sasuke gave Naruto every ounce of contempt he could with the look he fired towards him. Naruto laughed.

“Are you two made up, now?” came a voice from behind them. The girl, Ino, and the pink-haired one with the forehead. Perfect.

Naruto grinned. “Sasuke apologised.”

“I didn't -” He stopped mid-sentence. There was a beat of silence as three sets of eyes found their way to him. He turned back to the front and folded his arms.

“Yes, Sasuke?” Naruto said smugly, flashing wicked teeth at him. “You wanna say something?”

He did his best not to pout. Grown men don't pout. “No.”

“Oh, okay, great! Anyways, as I was saying, Sasuke basically, like, grovelled for my forgiveness and now we're friends again.”

Ino looked pointedly at Sakura. “That's great, Naruto!” She sat on his desk, crossing her legs at the knee. “You can join us too, then.”

“For what?”

“Yeah,” Sasuke said, eyeing her suspiciously. “For what?”

“Well, me and Sakura were thinking, and we're both kind of struggling with the stuff Ms Kurenai gave us -”

Sakura made a high, scathing noise with her nose.

“And we were hoping you'd take some time to tutor us?” Ino finished without a pause.

“No.”

Naruto nodded. “Called it.”

“You should want this too, Naruto.” Ino folded her arms. “You need the most help out of any of us.”

Sasuke snorted and Naruto narrowed his eyes at him. It was interesting to see him react. Sasuke had never met anyone who bristled quite like Naruto did; he half expected to see a bottlbrush tail peeking out from underneath the desk. “Something to say, dead-last?”

“No,” Naruto's features scrunched up into the middle of his face, like he'd smelled something bad. “I don't need your help.”

“Sure.”

“You probably couldn't teach me, anyways.”

“Wanna bet?”

“Sure, idiot, try and explain something in more than five words and I'll buy you a new bike.”

“Two times two equals four.” He paused, counting the words. “Loser,” he added, after a beat.

“Fuck off.”

“Where's my bike?”

“You didn't teach me anything.”

“Smarter than I give you credit for.”

“Hey, asshole,” came Sakura's voice, ringing with authority. “Be nice.”

To his side, Sasuke heard Naruto let loose an aborted cackle, silenced by the blistering look Sakura gave him. “You too, genius, of course he's gonna bite back if you keep pushing hi like that.”

“Oh, Sakura, mediator to the stars.”

“And you're no better, Ino!”

“Why, 'cause I have initiative?”

“Because you don't even need tutoring!”

Ino waved her words lazily away. “So if Naruto buys you a bike, will you teach us?” she asked, ignoring Sakura's furious glare.

“Depends. Will he actually?”

“No,” snapped Naruto. “I won't.”

“What if I can get something through your thick head?”

“You can't.”

“I can.”

“Prove it.”

“Fine. When and where?”

Ino whooped. “Yes! Who knew you had it in you, Naruto?” She tore a corner from his notebook, groaning a little when he complained. “Who cares, all you do with it is draw ninja, anyway.” She scribbled an address in loopy handwriting and handed it to Sasuke. “That's my dad's place, he's never in so we won't be disturbed. I can't do today or tomorrow, but next week?”

“Whatever.”

“Naruto?”

“Ugh, fine.”

She turned impish eyes to Sakura. “How about you, miss mediator.”

Sakura sniffed, but she nodded.

“Fabulous! It's done.” She hopped off the desk, extending an arm around Sakura's shoulders. “I'm so good at bringing people together, don't you think?”

Sasuke hoped she was wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for reading :)


	4. Ino

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure when updates are going to slow down, but it will probably be soon.  
> Eid Mubarak, everyone!

She's a towering silhouette against the sun. Her shoes lay discarded by the steps, her little socked feet green with moss stains, and her hands reach high up to heaven like she could snatch the blue from the sky.

“I'm the King of the castle!” she sing-screams down to Sakura. Her voice echoes around the empty playground so she screams again, wordless this time, and giggles at the journey the sound takes back to her. “Sakura,” she shouts as loudly as possible. “Scream!”

“Scream!” shouts Sakura.

“Scream!” shouts Ino, louder.

“SCREAM!”

“SCREEEEAAAM!”

“SCRREEEEEEEEAAAAMMM!”

They manage to scare the birds from the trees, the fleshy beat of their wings like a counterpoint to their harmony. A teacher stands far away by the school's front entrance and reads; the trees look on with quiet disinterest. The whole place is theirs.

Sakura climbs the stone steps to perch herself on the opposite bannister. “I'm the King of the castle!” she shouts, throwing her arms out towards the world.

“No, I'm King. You can be Queen.”

“I wanna be King.”

“I'm King! You're my wife.”

Sakura grumbles. “Fine. But I have loads of horses and everyone listens to me.”

Ino laughs. She jumps from the steps onto the concrete below, petting an imaginary horse. “Can I ride him?” she asks.

“Her. Her name is Sparkle.”

“Can I ride Sparkle?”

“Yes. But don't let anyone else, she only likes people I like.”

Ino nods very seriously. She lifts a leg over Sparkle's back and tugs reins close to her chest. Sakura shimmies down the steps and into the stables beside them, surveying her vast collection of multi-coloured ponies before picking the tallest and prettiest one to ride.

“This is Rainbow,” she says. “She's a unicorn.”

“You can't have a unicorn, that's not fair! I want a unicorn.”

“No, only I get unicorns 'cause I'm Queen.”

“Sakura! Give me a unicorn!”

“No!”

Ino rushes to grab Rainbow from her, but she doesn't know that Rainbow also has wings and Sakura yells at her to fly away. Ino pretends to catch her anyway, even though Sakura has made it very clear that Rainbow is now in Rainland with her family, hiding from Ino.

“No, she's here with me. Look,” Ino grabs a fistful of candyfloss mane and buries her face into it.

“She's not!”

“She is!”

“Sparkle doesn't like you anymore, then.”

“No, Sparkle's my best friend and she takes care of me with Rainbow and we live in Rainland together.”

“No!"

“And they're always happy to see me and they help me with homework and we have loads and loads of friends and we all live together and -”

“Ino, stop!”

“And they give me sweets all the time! And hugs! And they love me!”

Sakura grabs Ino's sleeve and pulls, doing her best to disentangle her from her vision. Ino yells, pulling back with all her might until they both tip onto the ground, heaped in a pile and covered in the remains of their imagination.

“That was fun,” Ino says after she catches her breath. “You wanna play another game?”

Sakura nods enthusiastically. She's about to suggest they build a country together when they hear the scrunch of tyres across gravel and the heavy thud of a car door closing.

Ino's face falls.

A woman with very long hair walks slowly towards them. Her back has a bend to it, like she carries something heavy on her shoulders, though there's nothing there to see. Her eyes look like bruises and the bend of her mouth is slanted ever so slightly downwards.

Everything feels unwelcomely real again.

“Ino,” says the woman. “Come on.”

“I'm playing,” Ino replies quietly, looking at the ground.

“I know, baby, but we need to go home.”

“Sakura's sick!” Ino shouts, suddenly. She turns towards Sakura with a pleading look in her eye. “She has -”

“Ino,” her mum says, sharp and tired. “Not today.” She reaches a hand out towards her. “Let's go.”

Ino looks everywhere but her mother's hand as she takes it, her eyes eventually settling on Sakura as she's dragged reluctantly away.

“Oh,” Ino's mother says, softly. She turns and gives Sakura a smile that hurts to look at. “Hi Sakura. I hope you're doing well.”

“M'okay,” and then, because Sakura at least has some manners, she adds “how 'bout you?”

Ino's mother smiles again. “I've been better, baby, but don't worry about that.” She turns. “Say hi to your dad for me, would you?”

Sakura nods, knowing that she won't do it. She watches as Ino is bundled into the backseat of her mother's old car, giving her a small wave as she disappears onto the road.

Sakura watches the space where they used to be for some time longer, then moves to sit on the steps. She watches the sky, making shapes from the clouds in her head. The teacher still reads by the front entrance of the school. There's no one else here. She's the last one to be picked up again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading :)


	5. The Permission Slip

It was a house like an empty chest, all ribcage and no heart or lungs. It was high ceilings and polished, wooden floors, origami houseplants and mahogany furniture. It was silence. In one room stood a grand piano gathering dust, framed by a cornet, a clarinet, a viola, a cello, beautiful instruments all as much works of art in their own right as the music they played, and all horribly quiet.

It was a tight feeling which lodged itself in Sasuke's stomach whenever he was here. It was the weekend, stretching on and on without reprieve. It was the permission slip he'd asked his mother to sign and it was the terror she tried to keep hidden when she told him to ask his father. Her hand on his head, stroking soft nothings into the roots of his hair. Her way of apologising.

It was her weakness, to be so terrified of Fugaku. It was his own that he hadn't tried to approach him yet.

Sasuke had been wandering. He wished, not for the first time, that Itachi was here. He'd be playing piano, something intricate and complex which would float through the house and breathe life into the floorboards. He'd sign the slip without a problem, probably make some subtle joke at Sasuke's expense that he'd miss until it was too late, and then wave him off like he were sending a child off to bed. And it would infuriate Sasuke, but it would be a good kind of fury - the moody, huffy kind which would fall away as soon as Itachi smiled at him. Sasuke missed anger like that. These days every feeling he had seemed to carry the weight of the world.

The house offered plenty of disused rooms and hidey holes to drift between and, as he ghosted through them and disturbed the dust which had gathered in the absence of life, he tried not to notice how he circled Fugaku's office.

It rested at the end of a long corridor, a room on either side connecting to other parts of the house. There were no windows here, so all the light came from a single, shaded bulb which hung ominously above the door and buzzed incessantly. The wood was heavy and old and impenetrable.

He didn't know when he decided to stop moving and stand statuesque outside Fugaku's office. He didn't know how long he stood there.

It was another closed door. _The_ closed door.

Just knock, Sasuke.

He steeled himself. Raised his fist in a swift, decisive motion and rested it against the wood.

Just knock.

He took three deep breaths. Another. Another. Another. Another.

He let his fist drop to his side.

He stood there.

Maybe he could ask his mother again. Or maybe he could send the slip to Itachi and ask him to send it back. If he had been smarter and not mentioned it to anyone, he could have even signed it himself, imitating Fugaku's sharp penmanship and spiky signature. He was good at stuff like that.

Sasuke was halfway through formulating a plan when the door opened.

“Sasuke,” said his father, with a tone which might have been either surprise or disapproval.

“Dad,” he replied. He hated how quiet his voice sounded, how unsure he felt of everything. “I need to ask you something. About school.”

Fugaku was a very tall man, towering above even Sasuke. He seemed to emanate a power like gravity, something that crushed the breath from you.

“Come in,” he said, moving back into his study. He didn't bother to check if Sasuke had followed. “Have you heard from your brother lately?”

Sasuke shrugged.

Fugaku took a seat. He crossed his legs and watched Sasuke over the pyramid of his fingers. “He should be back home in a few months.”

“I know.”

“Don't distract him too much.”

“I won't.”

“He should be focused. He could be a general one day.”

“He doesn't want to be a general.”

“We'll see.”

The door whispered shut behind them. There was a moment of heavy silence.

“How can I help?” Fugaku asked, with all the familiarity of a bank clerk.

Sasuke shoved the slip towards him. The sweat from his palms had made the paper floppy and smudged, an irritating betrayal of his body. Fugaku took it between the tip of his thumb and index finger and read. A hard line formed between his eyebrows as his eyes moved slowly, slowly downwards. Doing things at his own pace like he usually did, always expecting the world to match with him.

He returned the slip the same way he had taken it, like it was something dirty. “No,” he said.

“Why?” Sasuke blurted, before he could stop himself.

“I don't know what they're teaching you.”

It was just like him to talk around an issue rather than about it, but expecting it didn't make the heat in Sasuke's gut any less vicious.

“You might as well say it,” he bit. A small part of him cringed as he loosened his grip on the caution he'd been nursing. He didn't care.

Fugaku sighed. “Say what, Sasuke?”

“What are you afraid of?”

“I'm afraid they're teaching you things I don't want you learning.”

“Like how to fuck boys?”

“Sasuke!” Fugaku rose to his full, terrifying height. He was a storm, something immense and destructive and sewn into the fabric of the world. Sasuke stood his ground. Later, when the dark ate at his mind and the quiet weighed heavy on his ears, it would be the one thing he'd pride himself on about today.

“So? Am I right?” Sasuke seethed. Fugaku took two steps towards him and Sasuke took two steps back, meeting the door as the space between him and his father melted away.

“Go to your room. Stay there.”

There was never any other choice than to obey. So Sasuke reached behind him, feeling for the door handle without taking his eyes of Fugaku. He wanted to disappear into the folds of his bed and forget himself, but Fugaku managed to get one last word in before he escaped.

“That boy ruined you.”

Sasuke was never angrier in his life.

*

It was Spring. Through the windows came the wafting smell of roses and gasoline, the sounds of cars driving past like waves crash against the shore and the constant of screaming children. Naruto sat opposite Iruka at the small dining room table they had nestled into the kitchen corner. In front of him lay open textbooks and the beginnings of hastily scribbled notes. He busied himself by blowing a strand of hair away from his eyes, testing how long he could keep it airborne before it dropped back down again.

“Naruto.”

“I'm listening.”

“No you're not.”

Naruto rolled his head back and groaned. “It's boring, Iruka!”

“It's homework, that's how it is.”

“Can I just skip it?”

“No.”

“Please?”

“No, Naruto, think about how I'll feel when Mr Yamato corners me at school and tells me you didn't hand anything in again.”

Naruto made a long-suffering sound and collapsed onto the table. “I'm gonna die.”

Iruka fixed him with a dead-eyed stare.

“It's hard!”

“I know it is, that's why I'm helping you.”

Naruto sighed wistfully. “No one can help me.”

“Stop being dramatic and look at the textbook.”

It took him all of two minutes trying to parse the wall of text that confronted him before he was back to playing with his hair again.

Iruka sighed. “Would it help if we worked on something else?”

“Maybe,” Naruto replied, shrugging. “Ms Kurenai gave us some stuff I can't – oh!”

“What?”  
  
“Is it okay if I go to Ino's next week sometime?”

“If you finish this then sure.”

“I can finish it there.”

“Sounds like a fun date.”

Naruto wrinkled his nose. “It's not a date, don't be weird. Sasuke said he'd tutor us. Sakura's coming, too.”

Iruka frowned. “Sasuke? The boy who was rude to you?”

Naruto rolled his eyes. This was a recurring pattern, people thinking they knew better how to look after him than he did, and it was getting annoying.

“It'll be fine,” he said. “He apologised.”

“I'm not sure, Naruto. You said he was mean.”

“He's not mean, he's just, like... autistic.”

“Naruto!”

“He is! I've got brain stuff going on, too, I can say that!”

Iruka folded his arms, giving Naruto his most serious look. “Did he tell you he was autistic?”

“No, but -”

“You shouldn't assume things about people, especially personal things.”

“I mean, Iruka, come on.”

Iruka's voice was dangerously controlled. “Whether he's autistic or not isn't up to you to decide.”

“He's awkward as hell, Iruka! And he knows all this stuff about science and whatever but he can't string two words together.”

“Naruto, stop.”

“But -”

“I'm serious, it's not up to anyone else but him to say that, and it's especially not up to someone who he met last week.”

“He gave me Suna bars as an apology. Like, just threw them on my desk.”

“That's not him telling you he's autistic.”

“It's what someone with autism would do.”

“Anything could be what someone with autism would do!” Naruto opened his mouth to speak again but Iruka cut him off with a firm hand. “No. I'm disappointed in you.”

Naruto pushed himself back into his chair, folding his arms and sinking downwards. Childish, but then no one seemed to listen to him when he tried to act adult.

“Look,” Iruka said, pinching the bridge of his nose. He had a habit of following the line of his scar with his fingers when he was stressed. It made Naruto feel bad. “Let's just pick this up later, okay?”

“Fine.” And then, because it would bug him otherwise, he said “sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?”

God, he was such a _teacher._ Naruto fiddled with a hardened piece of rice on the table as he answered. “I dunno. Assuming, I guess.”

"And?"

"I dunno, Iruka!"

"You said it like it was a bad thing."

"What?" Naruto's face twisted in confusion. "How did I? It's not bad, it's just different." Like me, Naruto thought but didn't say.

Iruka hummed quietly, apparently unsatisfied, but he said nothing more about it. They tidied in silence, the tension slowly diffusing as they worked.

“Any other school stuff?” Iruka asked when they had finished. Naruto moaned a little, but he was surprisingly compliant in reaching for his school bag and rummaging through it.

“Oh yeah!” he exclaimed after a few seconds. He pulled the permission slip from the front pocket of his bag, tattered and beaten by its travels. “Iruka, can you sign this?”

Iruka took the paper with a suppressed huff, muttering something Naruto didn't care to listen to about taking better care of his things. He read for a moment, then sucked a soft breath in through his teeth.

“Oh, dear,” Iruka said, more to himself than to Naruto.

“Huh?”

“I think I was supposed to be teaching this class.”

“Nope,” Naruto said, immediately. “That would be worse than parents doing it.”

“Well obviously I can't teach a class you're in, Naruto.” Iruka looked down at the permission slip. “I'll have to get someone to cover.”

“So get someone.”

“How much fun do you think teaching a sex-ed class to a room full of fifteen year olds is?”

“Loads?”

“Try again.”

“Not loads?”

“Well done.”

“Maybe Mr Sarutobi will do it!” Naruto said, smiling up at him. “He's nice! And he's funny!”

“And he's too sensible to even touch this.” Iruka waved a hand, pushing the thought away. “No worries,” he said, reaching for a pen and initialing the paper. “I'll find someone.” He handed the slip back to Naruto with a stern warning to keep it safe.

Naruto slipped it very obviously between the safe, cardboard binding of his planner. It got a chuckle out of Iruka, which got a grin out of Naruto. It felt good.

The sun's rays were open arms bathing the kitchen in light. It was a space they both belonged, Iruka and Naruto, that little kitchen in the little house they shared. Blackberries grew in the small alleyway outside the window, their fat heads bumping against the glass as if they were begging to be eaten. Naruto began to sing. It was a tuneless melody strung together with words that made no sense, made exclusively to keep him occupied as he watched the world go by from his seat.

Iruka watched Naruto with a strange look he didn't recognise. And then he laughed.

“What's so funny?”

“Nothing,” Iruka said, faint smile still playing on his lips. “I was... just thinking.”

“About what! You can't leave me hanging like that.”

“Stuff.”

“Irukaaa.” Naruto whined, stretching the last syllable of his name like an elastic band.

Iruka eyes went soft. He hesitated a moment before the arc of his shoulders moved backwards, as if he were searching for confidence and suddenly found it. “Well,” he said, slowly. “I was thinking what your parents would say about that sex-ed class.”

Naruto was silent for a moment. He saw Iruka fold slowly as the quiet pressed on, and that wasn't what he wanted, not at all. “What would they say?” he asked, much more quietly than he had intended to.

Iruka beamed. “Well, Minato was surprisingly prudish for a man of his age and... uh, activities. He had quite a few girlfriends before he met your mother.”

“What would he _say?_ ”

“Oh, I don't know, but it would have been awkward as all hell. Kushina, though, she'd revel in it.”

“What would _she_ say?” Naruto asked, bouncing in his seat.

Iruka's face morphed into something sly. He cleared his throat, putting on a clear, pounding voice that Naruto supposed was an impression of his mother, although he couldn't say how accurate it was. “Now, Naruto, when a man and a woman love each other very much -”

Naruto clapped his hands to his ears. Something hard dropped into his stomach, but he decided to set that aside for later. “I shouldn't have asked!” he screamed. “I shouldn't have asked!”

Iruka got louder, still with that pounding voice and sly grin. “It's only natural, Naruto, sex is a part of -”

“Nooo! No! Not from you or from mum, I shouldn't have asked!”

Iruka laughed straight from his belly. He gave Naruto's thick hair a ruffle and smiled. “You're just like her, you know.”

“You've said,” Naruto grumbled, sculpting his hair back into place, but he still felt the words like warmth.

That night, as Naruto lay in bed cradling the glow the day's conversation had given him, he allowed himself a peek at the lump which had settled behind his sternum. _When a man and a woman love each other very much._ He loved Iruka, he loved his mum, but that was kind of the last thing he wanted to hear from her.

*

It was dark. Sakura had spent the day walking around town, picking up little trinkets for her hair, useful things they had run out of at home, whatever she could grab to distract herself. There was a poster for a traveling circus she made a mental note of, thinking of Ino snarfing popcorn and gleefully pointing out every bulge covered in tight spandex that she could. It could be fun, she thought, even as she knew she would never mention it. It seemed expensive.

When the shops closed, she spent time wandering through the park near her house, choosing the most shaded bench she could find and cracking open the packed lunch she had made for herself. She watched kids chuck dirt at each other and didn't know whether to laugh or gag. The sun had blessed the town with a gentle presence, enough to warm the skin but not burn it, and everyone seemed to be taking advantage of the weekend.

Then, as the sky turned from blue to purple to the striking oranges and pinks of the sunset, she ran out of things to keep her outside. So she finished the last few bites of her sandwich and picked up her shopping bag to make her way slowly home.

And now here she was, stood outside her own front door and searching for her keys. She cursed herself momentarily for wearing an outfit without pockets before allowing herself a rare moment of compassion. She had exactly two outfits with pockets, and not for want of searching. It wasn't her fault no one thought girls had to carry things. Forgetting her keys, though, was another matter entirely.

She thought about ringing the doorbell for a moment before deciding against it. Dad would be asleep. He was always asleep, or watching TV, or pretending to smile. There was a crack through the wall that he'd been promising to fix for years, bisecting the house number perfectly in two. It annoyed her, but she hadn't done anything to fix it either, so she couldn't really say anything.

She sighed and took a pin from her hair. She had learned how to pick locks during one of the very few interesting girl scout sessions her father had sent her to. And obviously it worked. She asked dad to keep the key in the lock all the time, but of course he hadn't. He didn't do anything.

The lights were all off. From the living room came the electric glow of the television, the nattering sounds of some antiques show echoing through the ground floor. She peeked in quickly. He was there, snoring on his armchair like she knew he would be. She checked the liquor cabinet. Empty bottles and dusty shelves. They had been empty for years, but she still checked.

She made her way to the kitchen. No signs of activity, just a pack of his sleeping pills and a glass of water. He hadn't made anything to eat. She hauled the pasta she bought earlier from her shopping bag and made a quick meal for the both of them, leaving his on the side with a note. She hadn't done her English homework yet, but Mr Umino was nice and he knew her pretty well thanks to Naruto. She'd try and get some of it done during homeroom the next day. Hopefully he wouldn't be too disappointed in her.

She went upstairs, flicking the lamp on in her bedroom. The walls were pink, a choice she had made when she was six and which continued to haunt her to this day. She supposed there were worse colours, though. Nothing was as bad as it could be.

Then she sat at her desk, her pens organised efficiently in old candle pots, her notebook lying very exactly in the middle. She pulled her schoolbag from next to her feet, drew out the permission slip she had placed in a plastic wallet in her folder, and carefully forged her father's signature.

It was tiring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading :)


	6. The Derivative

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another first draft. I'll clean it up later, but I hope you enjoy what's here.
> 
> I really enjoy reading your comments! They often encourage me to write, so thank you.
> 
> Anyway, have fun!

“Do you think he's coming?” Ino asked.

Naruto shrugged. He had taken to throwing his pencil case high in the air and catching it as they walked the mile or so to Ino's, going higher and higher as Ino whooped louder and louder. They had left Sasuke behind, given a few short words that he would catch up with them soon as he rearranged things pointlessly around his locker. He hadn't turned around.

“We can only hope,” Sakura muttered sarcastically, earning a withering look from Ino and a frown from Naruto.

He nudged her. “He isn't bad, you know. Just kind of awkward.”

Sakura hummed noncommittally.

“Come on, Sakura, why don't you like him?”

She shook her head, like she was trying to get fluff out her hair. He was just so far away. In the few days since he'd been at school the only person who'd managed to get any kind of emotion out of him had been Naruto, and then it had only been scorn or egoism. As for everyone else, Sasuke seemed to lock himself away behind tall glass walls. He did everything with steel resolve: ate, walked, wrote, probably even slept with the same burning intensity, and he did it all alone. It made Sakura's palms itch. Sasuke was so dead-set on keeping everything at arm's reach, so sure in his own loneliness. But the world always reached you whether you wanted it to or not. He'd have to learn that, eventually.

It was all too much to say; the words got tangled in her throat. So she responded with a question instead.

“Why do you like him?”

“I dunno,” Naruto replied, returning his attention to the pencil case a metre above him. “He's fun to mess with.”

That didn't feel like the whole truth, but then she hadn't said anything at all.

“You wanna know why _I_ like him?”

Sakura sighed. “We know why you like him, Ino.”

“Yeah, but no one's talking to me.”

Naruto laughed, throwing his pencil case again. Sakura slapped his arm. “What if you drop that in the road?”

“Oh man,” he giggled. “That would be bad.” He threw it again.

“I'm not getting it for you.”

“I'm not gonna drop it.”

Ino gave him a pat on the shoulder. “You're fine, Naruto, Sakura just hates when people enjoy themselves.”

“Someone has to be the responsible one.”

Ino rolled her eyes. “Why's it have to be you?”

Sakura didn't answer. It was a very Ino thing to say, pointed and difficult to tell if she was being helpful or harsh. Naruto caught his pencil case and didn't throw it again. His eyes darted between Sakura and Ino, a worried crease lodging itself between his eyebrows as Sakura worried her lip and Ino crossed her arms over her chest.

“Hey,” he said. “I'll race you.”

They both groaned.

“Come on!” He grinned. “Unless you're scared I'll beat you.”

“You wish,” Sakura grumbled as Ino huffed a long-suffering sigh.

“Yeah, that's it Sakura!” He started jogging on the spot and that got a smile out of her. “Ino, let's go.”

“I'd rather die.”

Sakura met Ino's derision with a smug smile. “Look who hates enjoying herself, now.”

“Ugh, why are you only fun when Naruto's around.”

“I'm a fun guy.”

She sniffed. “Yeah, definitely fungal.”

Naruto laughed. “Count us down at least. Sakura, you gotta get in position.” He had an infectious kind of enthusiasm. There he was, crouched down on the narrow pavement like the streets of Konoha were an Olympic stage. A quiet gravity to his stance, in his smile, the sharpness of his gaze. He took play so seriously. It reminded her of when they were kids, the constant challenges he'd throw around the playground before everything happened and he had to leave school.

She stopped thinking. Those weren't pleasant memories, anyway.

“Alright,” Ino said as they got into position. “Three, two, one, go fuck yourselves.”

She didn't even have time to be offended before Naruto shot forwards. “Go, Sakura!” she heard from behind her. “Don't let a boy beat you!”

She could hear him laughing over the snap of wind around her ears, throwing taunting looks over his shoulder every so often. And if he wanted to play it like that, fine, she could be just as dirty. In fact, she could be dirtier.

Sakura reached an arm out, grabbing for his collar, and crowed with delight when his laughter was halted by a surprised yelp. She jumped over him as he fell to the floor, replying to the accusing finger he threw her way with a ruder one. He was going to want payback for that one, but if she managed to stay out of reach she'd win.

There was a vicious heat in her blood.

She saw Ino's dad's house just as she felt fingers graze the back of her top. Sakura launched herself forward, tripped, forced herself to maintain her balance just long enough to tumble down and skid on her knees and palms to the front step of the house.

Naruto was behind her. She'd won.

“I beat you!” She screamed.

“Alright, whatever,” he grumbled, dusting himself off. “Don't have to be so happy about it.”

“Like you'd let _anyone_ live it down if you won. I beat you!” She pointed with both hands at his face. “You lose, loser!”

He looked like he didn't know whether to grimace or laugh, and all it did was add to the triumph she felt.

She gripped her knees to catch her breath. Naruto half fell, half sat on the front step, and for a few moments she was content to let the quiet fill the space between them.

“How far did we run?” Sakura asked, eventually.

Naruto shrugged. “600 metres? 700?” He was already breathing more normally and Sakura was reminded of how freakishly _physical_ he was.

“I haven't done that in so long.”

“We should do it again!”

“What, now?”

“Well, you know, whenever,” he replied, in a way that made it abundantly clear he had meant now.

Sakura laughed. She felt so light. “Yeah. Another time, though.”

“Sure.”

She listened to the sound of birds. Konoha was never truly silent, all the trees acting as home to every variety of bug, bird and small animal you could think of. It wasn't a bad place, really. She'd always looked forward to moving away, finding some city far away where she could disappear into the unknown. But Naruto was here. And Ino. Kiba, Shikimaru, Choji, Hinata, Shino (though she couldn't remember sharing more than a few words with him during her life). Even Sasuke seemed to add something. Nothing was as bad as it could be.

She had people she cared about. And maybe they cared for her, too.

“Hey, Naruto.”

“Mmm?” He was gazing up at the sky, the ghost of a smile playing on his face.

“Do you think I'm uptight?” She balked a little at his questioning look. “I don't know, I – sometimes I think people think that about me.”

“Nah, sometimes you just need to remember you can have fun.” He beamed at her. “That's what I'm here for.”

She nodded. It was always easy to believe him.

*

“Look what I found!”

Best laid plans, thought Sasuke unhappily, itching to escape the vice grip Ino had on his arm as she dragged him towards a head of pink hair and another of red-gold. Just another five minutes of waiting, maybe ten, and he wouldn't have to waste his time on needless smalltalk with people he didn't want to care about.

“What the hell took you so long?” cried Naruto. Loud as always, sweating a little and cradling a water bottle he'd pulled from his shoulder bag. Ino had said there'd been some kind of race.

“I got ice cream.”

“Oh, really? Thanks, Ino.”

“No, _I_ got ice cream. That's what you get for leaving me alone.”

Naruto wailed some mindless nonsense about being unfair. At this point Sasuke would take his whining over the thin fingers digging their way into his bicep. He couldn't do both at once, though.

He'd already had his ear talked off on the walk here, even as he refused to make the hums and ahhs that disinterested people usually make to be polite. Standing around outside listening to two more shrill voices join the first was not something he could tolerate. Not for the first time, he tried to extricate himself from Ino's hold, and not for the first time he found her fingers unreasonably strong and sly. He shouldn't have said yes to this.

The girl with pink hair was giving him a look he didn't like. “Need saving, pretty boy?”

“No,” he replied immediately. Naruto cackled.

“Oh, cool. You two have fun, then.”

“Wait.” God, this was so humiliating. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Maybe.”

“Oh, wow, nice one, Sakura,” Naruto said, mildly surprised. “How come you're never polite to me like that?”

“You don't deserve it,” Sasuke bit back. Polite was putting it strongly, he thought. Besides, he was also a little afraid of Sakura, standing with her arms crossed and the memory of her wrath still fresh in his mind. It didn't take much to admit it, he had a suspicion that most of the boys in his class were a little scared of her, but he'd be damned if he let it show.

“Down, girl,” Sakura said.

“Sakura,” Ino moaned, uncomfortably close to his ear. “My collection.”

Sakura dragged a hand down her cheek. “Find someone different, he looks about to die.”

“But he's just my type.”

He scoffed. “You're not mine.”

“Oh?” Ino's eyes lit up, like she'd been doing all this only for the chance to pick around in his brain. “So what _is_ your type?”

Sasuke hesitated a moment, watching her warily. It wasn't like he felt any need to hide this part of himself, and it might be worth it just to imagine the look on Fugaku's face. “Boys,” he said, after a moment.

Ino made a little O shape with her mouth. Naruto choked on the water he'd been drinking, going a deep shade of tomato red.

“Okay,” Ino said, recovering quickly. She gave him a pat on the cheek. “I can promise you it doesn't matter to me.” She still wouldn't let go.

“Ino, I'm pretty sure you're the only person here he wants it to matter to.”

A knot of tension somewhere in his belly slid a little looser. The girls, at least, didn't seem to care. Which was both fortunate and unfortunate.

“You're gay?!” Naruto all but screeched when he recovered. Sakura slapped him.

“You're not?” Sasuke replied, rewarded by even more spluttering and an even deeper shade of red.

Naruto mumbled something.

"Speak up, loser."

He scowled. “I said you don't look so gay."

“How are you supposed to look gay, dumbass?”

Naruto paused a moment, looking him up and down. “Shorter.” Three confused sets of eyes landed on him and he leaned further back in his perch on the front step. “What? They all look short on TV. I thought it was genetic.”

There was a short pause, then a cacophony of voices.

“You are the dumbest -”

“Naruto, who the hell told you -”

“That is the funniest things I've ever -”

“Alright!” He shouted, crossing his arms and pouting. His face was still a fierce red and it ruined the affect of his movements perfectly. “I'm a big dumb idiot, that's great. Can we please go inside?”

“No, wait,” Ino said, grinning. “I wanna -”

“Can you not let me live down, like, one dumb thought? Just one?”

She was still laughing as she walked towards the door, finally releasing Sasuke and allowing the blood to enter his left forearm again. He rubbed at it a little, pointedly ignoring Sakura's smirk in favour of staring at an oddly shaped bush to his right.

They entered into a dark corridor, the carpet a forgettable shade of grey which blended into beige walls. The kitchen Ino invited them into, though, was bright. Childish paintings littered the walls and fridge and a half-eaten carton of some nameless take-out sat idly by the sink. Ino huffed, tearing down a few of the worst offending paintings and hiding them in a cupboard.

“Sit wherever you want,” she said, taking down a few more pieces.

“Aww, Ino,” Naruto said, collapsing into a wooden chair tucked neatly by a dining table. “Don't do that, they're cute.”

“They're not cute.” She shook her head very quickly, lips pursed into a sour expression. “Every time I take them down he just puts them back up.”

“Your dad? Why don't you just ask him to keep them down?”

“What, in the two seconds I see him every day?”

Naruto shrugged and looked away.

“Alright,” Sasuke said, wanting to get this over with as quickly as possible. “Get your books out.”

Naruto blinked. “Oh, wait, are we really gonna, like... study?”

“Yes, Naruto,” sighed Sakura. “What else are we here for?”

“I thought we'd just hang out.”

“Hey, that's not a bad idea,” Ino did her best to make it look like the thought just occurred to her. It was a poor attempt. “Relax a little, destress, you know? I think my dad has some beers we could -”

“I want my bike,” Sasuke said simply, cutting her off. “Sit down, all of you.”

“So bossy.”

“And no talking.” He pulled an unwelcomely thick textbook from his bag, slamming it on the table before looking up at all of them. “Well?”

He could see why certain teachers were so strict. It certainly was a lot of fun.

*

Sasuke rubbed at the skin underneath his eyes. They had been at it for an hour, his already frayed nerves sizzling further down to the base. The girls were fine. Ino, particularly, seemed to have no problem with the questions he posed whatsoever. Sakura, while not as adept, picked things up quickly and seemed to have a knack for problem solving.

Naruto was a different story.

“I don't _get_ it.”

“It's not hard, stupid.”

“Yeah, for you maybe.”

“Just memorize the rules.”

“I -” Naruto looked down at the paper in front of him, covered in nothing but a date, a title and crude drawings of ninja. “What rules?”

And this was the problem. He never payed attention, even when he looked like he was, face screwed up in thought and hands clasped to the sides of his head.

“The ones we _just_ looked at.”

“Oh. I forgot.”

“How do you -”

Sakura tutted. “Leave him alone, Sasuke.”

“But it's not even hard. Look,” he took Naruto's notebook away from him, turning to a new page as Naruto looked miserably on. He wrote a string of numbers and letters, and judging by the look on Naruto's face, he could barely parse them. Well, too bad, no one's good to start with. “On the right side, this value has a power of four, right? The normal number doesn't count, you ignore it. To find the derivative, you look at the table and do what it says. 4x to the power of 3.”

“That doesn't make sense,” Naruto said, hopelessly.

“Just try it, stupid. Here.” Sasuke wrote four more functions, simple ones, easy ones even a block head could figure out. “Just look at the table and then look at the functions. Five minutes.”

Naruto took the notebook back without a word, which struck Sasuke as odd. Maybe he was going to give it a real attempt this time.

And yet, and yet. When Sasuke came back to check on Naruto, he had only answered one of the questions, drawing little spirals in the space by the second one.

“God _dammit,_ dead-last.”

“It's hard!”

Sasuke pinched the bridge of his nose. He tried to ground himself, feel the hard wood of the chair beneath him, listen for a moment to the muffled sound of birds. He wasn't going to lose his head over something like this. “Look,” he said, as calmly as he could, “how did you figure out the first one?”

“I got it right?”

“Yes, stupid, you got it right. So how did you do it?”

“I -” Naruto paused for a moment before his features twisted inexplicably into something distraught. “I don't remember.”

“How can you not remember, you did it five seconds ago.”

“I just don't, okay!”

“You're not trying.”

“I am trying!” Naruto snapped, punching the table with sudden ferocity. “I'm trying! My brain's just fucked, okay? It's all messed up in there. Don't tell me I'm not trying, what the hell would you know.”

Ino was uncharacteristically quiet, her pen poised above her notebook even as she wrote nothing. Sakura, meanwhile, sent daggers towards Sasuke and soft looks of pity towards Naruto. Sasuke refused to see how pity would help.

“It's fine,” Naruto sighed, the anger leaving him as suddenly as it came. “Whatever, I can't learn it.” He grinned and gestured towards Sasuke, though he didn't look at him. “Guess you won't get that bike.”

“Like hell I won't. You're learning this.”

“God, you're so annoying.”

“I want my bike.”

Naruto's gaze gained a glint at it's edge. “Drop it, Sasuke.”

“Stop being stubborn. You may be stupid but you're not a moron.”

“What the hell does that -”

“You can learn this.”

“I can't.”

“You _can._ ” Sasuke pushed two fingers against Naruto's forehead, like he was drilling the knowledge into his brain. “And even if you can't, you will.”

There was a moment between the time he removed his fingers and Naruto rubbed furiously at the spot Sasuke had touched where no one seemed to know what to say. Naruto's cheeks were faintly red under brownish skin. And wasn't that cute? There was at least one thing that could embarrass him, aside from any mention of sexuality. Sasuke would have to file that away for later.

“You're smiling,” Sakura said, breaking the silence. It took Sasuke a moment to realise she was talking about him. He schooled his face immediately.

“Wait, really?” Naruto asked. The sparkle in his eyes came back to life, as if the guy could barely keep one solid emotion going for five minutes. What, did he get bored of them?

“No,” Sasuke said.

“Yes!” Sakura fired back.

“He likes me!”

Sasuke scoffed.

“That's a yes.”

“It's not a yes.”

Sakura laughed. “It's a yes, Naruto.”

Naruto giggled. Where did all that tension go? Sasuke missed it.

“He probably likes you too, you know,” Naruto said to her, an infuriating smile on his smug face. Sakura shrugged and Naruto turned to Sasuke, who said nothing. “He does,” Naruto said with finality. “I speak Sasuke.”

“I do not.”

“He definitely does.”

“Can you both shut up and do some work?” Honestly, the only person he liked at the moment was Ino, and that was because she had the grace to keep quiet. But no, scratch that, she was about to open her mouth

Sasuke held a finger up to her. “No.”

Ino pouted and Naruto placed a comforting hand against her arm. “Don't worry, he likes you, too.” Sasuke would have said something, but Naruto was already laughing. “Alright, baby, let's do this,” he said, returning to his notebook.

“Stop calling me that.”

“Make me.”

He gave a thought to it. He could fight. He could probably make Naruto regret saying that.

Instead he squeezed his eyes shut for just a moment and said something about exponents. Naruto giggled but, just this once, Sasuke was willing to let him have the victory.

*

“So how'd it go?” Iruka asked the moment he got home, calling from the kitchen.

“Good!” Naruto said, coming to poke around in the fridge. “Really good, actually.”

Iruka blinked in surprise. “Oh. Well, that's nice. Did you get anything done?”

“You have so little faith in me.”

“For good reason.”

“I got stuff done! God, why does everyone think I'm a dumbass.”

“Language, Naruto,” Iruka said absent-mindedly. Then he looked up and frowned. “And I don't think you're a dumbass. You're not dumb.”

“I'm a little dumb, Iruka.”

“Don't say that about yourself.”

Naruto rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Wanna hear what I learned?”

“Sure.”

“Alright.” Naruto settled himself at the table with a juice packet, watching Iruka's back as he slowly worked through the dishes. “So, to find the derivative for a value to the power of something, you... you, uh..." Iruka opened his mouth, but Naruto stopped him with a firm hand. "No, wait, Iruka, I know this.”

“You don't have to, Naruto.”

“I know I don't, but I do! Sasuke taught me.”

“So he's friendly now?”

“He's never friendly, he's just weird. In a good way, though. You know he's gay?”

“Oh.” Iruka hummed thoughtfully. The yellow of his washing-up gloves and the loose-fitting comfort clothes he wore painted him in a domestic light. Naruto liked this Iruka better than teacher Iruka. “Yeah, that makes sense.”

“It does?” Naruto found it hard to reconcile the image of little Sasuke running around the shed at Honaby with big Sasuke doing... well, whatever big Sasuke did with other guys.

“Half the girls in your year seem to have fallen for him and he hasn't given any of them the time of day.” Iruka turned back to the dishes. “I thought he was just oblivious.”

“He's that, too.”

Iruka chuckled. “You like him, then?”  
  
“He's alright.”

“Hmm. Okay, just be careful.”

Naruto's face twisted in confusion. He wanted to ask what he had to be careful about, but for some reason he was afraid of the answer. And besides, they were getting dangerously close to a topic Naruto wasn't particularly ready to talk about. Though he had brought it up. Why had he done that?

Sasuke had said it so easily, like it wasn't even a problem. Not that it was a problem. Saying it was the problem. Saying it made it true.

And maybe Naruto was dumb, but he didn't really believe gay people were supposed to be short. Maybe it was something he said just to say something, maybe he thought it'd be funny and then everyone took it the wrong way and he hadn't bothered to correct them. Maybe he was just too excitable to think about what came out his mouth. All five foot six of him.

There was only so much weird people could take.

Naruto clapped his hands suddenly, dispelling the haphazard thoughts crowding his mind. “Multiply by the value of the power and take one away from the power itself!” He looked at Iruka. “Uh, is that right?”

“I have no idea, Naruto, I teach English.” And then he smiled, a sweet genuine smile that spread from the top of his head to the bottom of his feet. “It sounds impressive, though.”

What could Naruto do but smile back?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)


	7. Iruka

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a trigger warning for a panic attack (not described in huge detail) from the beginning of this chapter to about a third of the way through. There's also one for death which extends from halfway through the chapter to near the end. 
> 
> I think "enjoy" might not be the most appropriate word for this chapter. I hope you like it, though.

His hands are white knuckled against the steering wheel.

He drives slowly. The streets here are narrow, wide enough for just one car, but Iruka can't find the patience in him to care for the blaring horns and obscenities thrown his way from drivers stuck behind him. Where could they need to get to so badly at 1.30pm? There are more important things to worry about.

He moves at a snail's pace, driving in concentric circles around Naruto's primary school, eyes raking every iota of space in search of a small head of red-gold hair. He has coursework due in two days. He has a lesson to plan, his first real lesson. He was going to ask Naruto what he thought. Maybe he'd open up a little more that way, smile the way he used to, puff out his chest and rattle off a litany of ideas which Iruka would never have thought of. Maybe it would spark something and some small part of the old Naruto would come back. He was going to try. He still has to.

But he has to find him first.

Iruka is shaking. Badly.

He parks the car and lets his head fall forwards onto his arms. He concentrates on his breath. In for four. No, for eight. No, it was four. It doesn't matter, Iruka, just breathe! In for four, hold, out for eight, in for four, hold, out for eight...

He's trying hard to think about Naruto and trying hard not to think about him, too. He doesn't know what to do. Kushina would know. She knew everything. And what she didn't know, Minato did.

Iruka is old enough to know he's young. Children caring for children.

There are days Naruto wakes up and forgets that they're dead. Not so much anymore, not in the same way either, but it still happens from time to time. Not that he ever tells Iruka, but sometimes Naruto comes downstairs and looks at him with such hurt in his eyes, like he'd been hoping for something different. How many times can the same grief come back new? How many times can a little kid bear that? How could anyone?

And it was always Iruka that had to break the news again, even right at the beginning when Naruto barely knew where he was. Minato had no family other than Jiraiya, and he's off getting lost between the bedsheets of any woman who'd take him. As for Kushina's lot, Iruka is the only one who lives in Konoha. And Iruka is kind. He's too kind. They saw him and his work and his grief and they thought it more suitable than their own. A family of cowards, that's what they were.

Iruka thinks he truly hates Jiraiya. And the distant family he has stuck in Uzushio. He hates the school for losing a child halfway through the day. He hates this city for its narrow streets and rolling trees and the endless hiding places they provide. He thinks he might hate everything at the moment. Even Naruto.

Not Naruto. He crushes the thought. That isn't fair.

Nothing is fair, though, is it?

Kushina would be better at this. Minato, too. They'd know what to do.

Iruka blinks. His breath comes ragged and fast. He shifts the car into gear. Maybe he and Naruto had the same idea.

It doesn't take long. A five minute drive, a fifteen minute walk, maybe twenty for someone with little legs. Kushina and Minato's house is tucked into a quaint cul-de-sac. Semi-detached, its walls are painted an eggshell blue and ivy winds its way around the side to knock gently at the windows. There's a for-sale sign stuck into the space by the front door, and underneath it is a tiny body which holds itself like a thing falling apart.

Iruka could cry. He very nearly does, but he sees the look on Naruto's face as he raises his head up and unbuckles his seatbelt instead. He'd cry later.

He smiles instead. Naruto sneers.

“What are _you_ doing here?”

Iruka doesn't answer straight away. He doesn't quite trust his own voice. Instead he comes to sit next to Naruto, far enough away that he doesn't feel trapped and close enough to know he's not alone.

“The school called me,” he says simply, giving his best, gentlest smile. “They said you ran away.”

“I can go where I want!” the boy screams.

“I know. You can, I'm not stopping you. I'd just like to know, please.”

Naruto's features can't seem to decide on an emotion. Everything runs through them, nothing hidden and all with the same ferocity as his anger. He grabs the sides of his head and tucks it back between his knees. “Nothing stays still,” he says, miserably. “I was fine until you showed up.”

“You don't look fine, Naruto.”

“Shut _up!”_ Naruto reaches a small fist forward to punch at Iruka's chest. Iruka lets him. It doesn't hurt so much. Not physically.

When he wraps Naruto in a hug, the fists get weaker, and then they fasten themselves to his shirt.

And then he wails. Like an animal about to die. It's the most disturbing sound Iruka has ever heard.

He doesn't let go.

This is the moment Iruka starts to change his opinion about time. He used to think of it in terms of seconds and minutes and then, thanks to Minato's influence, he thought about it in terms of space and light. But Minato taught physics, and Iruka is going to teach English. When Naruto stops crying the sky is getting dark and Iruka's muscles hurt. Things seemed to have moved on, but he and Naruto were only just leaving the moment. Maybe time is a feeling. A thought. A relationship.

“You're not gonna tell me to calm down?” Naruto mumbles into his chest.

Iruka places one hand on Naruto's hair. “You don't have to be calm. For now, I'll be calm for the both of us.”

“The teachers all tell me to calm down.”

“At school?”

“Yeah. And the kids.” He pauses for a second, drawing in a deep breath. “They all hate me.”

“They don't hate you, N-”

“They do!” He shouts. “They hate me! I'm weird and stupid and – and different." He goes quiet. "I'm different now.”

Iruka says nothing for a while. He strokes calming lines across Naruto's head. “I don't think you're stupid, Naruto.”

“I am. And weird.”

“Well yeah, you're weird, but so am I. Weird is good.” He takes courage from Naruto's wet giggle. “Naruto, look at me, please.” Naruto buries his head further into Iruka's chest. “Please, Naruto? I promise it won't be for long.”

When Naruto looks up it's with something vulnerable and wary in his eyes, and Iruka is very aware that he cannot mess this up. “You don't have to be anything other than what you are,” Iruka says, softly. “So you be weird. You be different. If someone has a problem with it, well that's their problem, not yours.” He pokes Naruto in the chest. “You just be you. That's all you need to be.”

Naruto doesn't answer and Iruka says nothing more. He runs finger's through Naruto's thick hair until he realises the boy has fallen asleep. He picks him up gingerly, one hand on his back, and walks gently with him to the car.

Tomorrow, Iruka is going to start looking for different schools.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)


	8. The Bees and the Bees

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how I feel about this chapter, but I'm tired of working on it. Again, I'll hopefully clean it up later. Or I might not, who knows. Not me, that's for sure.
> 
> Enjoy!

Sasuke's whole body buzzed as he lay motionless in bed.

The hardest acts of rebellion are the smallest. You're never quite sure if you'll get away with them, so they linger against the skull and balance on the line between guilt and victory, unsure of their own righteousness, switching voices between something childish and something necessary. But it felt good to own yourself, even if it was something small that helped you do it.

So he wasn't going to move from this spot.

He was sure that Fugaku wouldn't bother to check on him. He never came into Sasuke's room; he doubted Fugaku even knew the colour of the walls. Instead, he would wait for Sasuke to make his mistake and then prepare a speech to let him know just how much of a mistake it was. He would have eyes like ice and a voice like hail.

But if Fugaku wanted to control Sasuke's education so badly, he would have to try harder than refusing to sign a permission slip. Sasuke couldn't leave, not until Itachi came back. He couldn't move a finger out of place. And if that was the case, then he wouldn't move at all.

So that was that. He would stay in bed all day. He deserved the rest, anyway.

When a knock came at his door, he stared resolutely at the ceiling. His mother, obviously. It was pointless to hope she wouldn't enter, so it was pointless to answer, too.

“Sasuke?” She opened the door a crack and peeked through, like a child trying to eavesdrop. “Are you okay?”

“Fine.”

She opened the door wider. “Are you unwell?”

“No.”

Silence. She hovered at the door.

For one wild moment, Sasuke was struck with the sheer childishness of his actions. Here he was, refusing to move because he wasn't allowed to attend a sex-ed class. What could fifty minutes of condom and baby talk teach him that five minutes on the internet didn't? And what could they teach him that had anything to do with him, anyway?

Because in a way, Fugaku was right. Well, no, that was giving him far too much credit, but Sasuke had to agree that there would be no point in attending. They'd talk about what men and women were supposed to do with each other and the parts they were supposed to have, but none of it particularly interested him, and none of it was particularly relevant. He liked boys and he was a boy. They'd touch upon the subject, maybe someone would make a stupid joke, and Sasuke would leave the room with the same knowledge he already had, that he'd have to figure it all out himself.

He didn't even _want_ to go. But it wasn't really about that. It wasn't really about anything. If Sasuke thought about his reasons what came up was a play-by-play of the last year of his life, with extra scenes added from further back for good measure. It was this house, this family, the hard silence of the walls, the stillness, the coldness. It was everything.

“Can I come in?”

Sasuke turned his head to her. Like the rest of the family (and wasn't that an interesting word to use for them) she was tall, approaching six foot without heels. She moved with a strange kind of grace. Not only in the way she walked, but in the fluidity of her careful expressions, the beat of her words, even the absent-minded motions humans make to keep themselves occupied. Both slow and fast, or rhythmically complex like compound time. It was difficult to explain, but it reminded him achingly of Itachi.

She seemed to take his silence as an invitation. With careful steps, she glided across the room and sat at the foot of his bed.

“How is school?” she asked.

“Fine.”

“You're doing well?”

“Yes.”

“Have you made any friends at all?”

His mind went unbidden to Naruto. Something in his stomach twisted. The kid was an idiot, but Sasuke liked his smile and he could brighten a mood without effort. Maybe he missed him, or at least that one, small part of him. He'd have to get Naruto more Suna bars.

Sasuke's mother smiled. “You look like you're thinking. Of someone?”

“Maybe.”

Another long pause. She moved up to his side, slipping a hand onto his head and working her fingers through his hair. He didn't encourage her, but he didn't stop her either.

“That boy, Juugo.” Sasuke immediately tensed. “Do you know how he's doing?”

Sasuke shrugged. Of course he didn't, Fugaku had made sure of it, and she must know that. But his mother spoke so lightly, a complete contrast to the gravity of his father's words. She was like mist, ethereal and constant. It was hard to let his anger define her.

“I hope he's okay. He was very polite. I can't remember how many times I told him to call me Mikoto.”

“He's in Ame now, I think.”

“Ah.” She paused, looking out the window. “That's a shame.”

She didn't have to sound so sad about it. It was odd. When it came down to it, Sasuke felt the pressure of her guilt so much more than the anger of his father. He could deal with Fugaku, all he needed to do was know himself better than he did. His mother, though, was a different story. She had a way of saying too much with very little. Sasuke liked to think he only spoke when necessary, but she had it down to an art.

“I'm sorry,” she said. Sasuke almost asked what she was sorry for, but he didn't think he could bear the answer.

She tapped at his skull gently. “You're staying home today,” she said, phrasing it halfway between a question and a statement, like she knew the answer but left room for Sasuke to change his mind.

“Yeah.”

She nodded slowly. “Yes. You rest.” She rose elegantly from the bed. “I'll deal with your father.”

“I -” Sasuke stopped himself, but his mother still paused in her long stride towards the door. He didn't even know what he was going to say. Please come back? But that was too childish, and he didn't want her back anyway. The comfort of her hands on his head felt like a betrayal to a past version of himself that never had it. Who was there to rely on other than himself? And Itachi.

“When Itachi comes back, I'm moving in with him.” He didn't know why he said it, he'd never bothered to share his plans before. Maybe he wanted to hurt her.

“I see.” She nodded once, her face a careful mask of soft worry. “Have you talked with him about this?”

“He said he'd see what he could do.”

“He may not be able to, Sasuke.” Her accent moulded words into unfamiliar shapes, catching every so often on a difficult to pronounce syllable. “He will be deployed again at some time.”

He'd be deployed again, and he still needed to find a place, and it was still months away, and he didn't know how their parents would react, and, and, and, and. Sasuke knew all this. But Itachi loved him in a way he hadn't felt from either of his parents for a while. The whole family was cold, but Itachi was an ice pack on a swollen ankle. His coldness was a relief, not an attack like his father's, or the intangible embrace of his mother's. And it wasn't his own either, awkward and angry and stiff.

“It'll happen,” Sasuke said, with absolute sureness.

His mother blinked, then nodded, then smiled. He didn't like to see her smile. Every smile she gave was a tragedy.

She walked slowly up to him, laid a soft hand on his cheek, and pressed her lips lightly to his forehead. “I'll miss you,” she whispered. Then she gave him another smile he didn't want and disappeared.

And then Sasuke was alone.

*

The man sitting at Iruka's desk was both oddly disturbing and easily missed. Mr Hatake had a knack for disappearing into the background until the moment he needed to be present, despite the surgical mask he wore everywhere and the eyepatch covering his left eye. Naruto had a sneaking suspicion he simply found it funny to surprise people. He had nearly caused an explosion more than a few times in Hatake's chemistry class, often due to his quiet materialisation behind Naruto at inopportune moments. That and, well, Naruto wasn't great at chemistry. People liked Hatake, though, mostly because he never gave out homework.

“Shall we start?” the man asked, mildly.

There was a nervous energy bubbling around the room, almost viral in the way it seeped into Naruto's skin. He found himself wishing Sasuke were here. Whether that was because he could use his level-head as an anchor or because cracking jokes at his expense would be a good distraction, Naruto wasn't sure. Perhaps a bit of both.

It would help him feel a little less alone, too.

Hatake opened his laptop and projected an image onto the screen behind him, a slideshow with the title “The Birds and the Bees” and an image of a bird and a bee in bed. Naruto laughed, but he was one of the few that did. Iruka had told him that the class shouldn't be so different than if he had been leading it, though he'd looked a little nervous while he said it and now Naruto knew why. Hatake must have taken liberties.

“Which one's the girl?” asked a voice from a few rows back.

“I don't see how that's any of your business.” Hatake replied. “Rule number one: sex is personal.” He tapped a button on his keyboard and the image was replaced by diagrams that were equally graphic and clinical. “I'm sure you all know the basics, but let's recap.”

It was mortifying and it was fascinating. The first five or ten minutes were dominated by discussion of the basic mechanics of sex, with a few extras sprinkled in by Hatake (“rule number four: lubricate” was one that stuck in Naruto's mind). Then, Hatake retrieved a long, pink thing just unwelcoming enough to not be called a dildo from somewhere below the desk. He placed it gently on the table in front of him.

“Now the important part.” He held up two packets, one square and one rectangular. “This is largely a class about contraception, so if you haven't been listening then now's the time to tune in. This,” he raised the square packet, “is a condom. This,” he raised the rectangular one, “is a dental dam. Any ideas on what they could be used for?”

A few nervous giggles and an uncomfortably long silence followed. Naturo hated silences. He hated the pressure of them, the way they seemed to expect something of you. It took only a minute or so for him to pipe up.

“Uh...” Hatake's eye snapped towards him. “Protection?”

“Against what?”

“STDs?”

Hatake nodded and tore into the condom wrapper. “A condom is also useful against unwanted pregnancy,” he quipped. Naruto turned his eyes down to his desk. He should have said pregnancy, that was probably what everyone expected to hear.

Hatake brought the little rubber circle to the tip of the not-dildo, pinching the end with his long fingers. As he rolled it slowly down the length of the stand-in, he began speaking about IUDs and implants, finishing with a long rundown of the pros and cons of the pill as he gesticulated absently with the condom covered toy in his hand.

It was, frankly, obscene.

“Any questions?” he asked when he was done, tapping the not-dildo against his cheek.

A hand rose.

“Kiba,” Hatake said, gesturing towards him with the tip.

Kiba leaned back, eyeing the thing in Hatake's hand, then forward, as if he were about to say something profound. “Right, so." He cleared his throat. “What about gay people?”

“You thinking about asking Sasuke out?” Ino called, without missing a beat. “I can give you some tips.”

Naruto would feel embarrassed on Sasuke's behalf if he weren't so sure he wouldn't care. In fact, he might even appreciate Ino's gleeful bluntness. For the past week or two he'd been followed around by hushed whispers and probing questions, a fact which had made him even more irritable than usual. He'd almost knocked a boy in the year above out for a fake confession that had clearly been a dare from his friends. Naruto had to hold an arm across his chest to keep him back, and that only made the boys jeer at him, too. Now, he was pretty sure there were rumours floating around about his own sexuality. Whether they were true or not was beside the point to him, all he had done was help a friend out.

Which was a surprisingly good word to use, now that he thought about it. Sasuke _was_ his friend. They were hanging out more. Sometimes he even joined them at their lunch table willingly.

Kiba growled. “I don't wanna ask him out.”

“Homophobe.”

“I'm not gay!”

“Keep telling yourself that.”

Hatake brought the attention of the room back to him with a quiet sigh, another mysterious power of his. “What about gay people?”

Kiba cleared his throat. “Well, like, they do it in the butt, right? The boys, anyway. So, basically, what's the point?”

The class laughed. And Naruto laughed right along with them, because honestly it was kind of funny, even if he choked a little and had to look down to hide the heat spreading across his face. He thought of Sasuke, who probably did things like that or might want to if he hadn't, and had to hide his reaction to the images which cropped up in his mind with a coughing fit.

They didn't quite go away, even when he started doodling, both for something to distract him and as a way of avoiding the questioning gaze which burned into his side from Sakura. She didn't stop, though, so he flashed her a quick smile as if nothing was wrong and went back to trying to keep his hands from shaking.

“I would assume it's for pleasure. Sex isn't just about making babies.”

“How's it pleasurable to have something in your butt?”

“I wouldn't know, Kiba. If you're so curious maybe you should try it.”

Kiba's ears turned a wonderful shade of red as the rest of the class laughed harder. Naruto couldn't quite explain the way his mood lifted at that. It might have had something to do with Kiba's spluttering embarrassment, or the quiet but distinct “it's not so bad,” he heard coming from Shikamaru. Or maybe it was how Hatake caught his eye when he looked up and how, even with the eyepatch, Naruto could have sworn he was winked at.

Still, when the bell sounded it triggered an unexpected wave of relief, as if he'd only noticed that a spotlight was shone on him when it was finally turned off. He took a moment to lose himself in the knotted sound of background chatter. He giggled a little at Ino's very loud speculation on Kiba's sexuality, at Kiba's groan, at the way Sakura rolled her eyes as she left the room by Ino's side. He watched as Shikamaru hummed absently at whatever Choji was saying, catching his eye momentarily and receiving a quick nod of recognition. He let the movement of voices and shuffling feet trickle from a river to a stream to a brook as he slowly packed away his notebook and stood.

“Are you okay, Naruto?”

The last few students made their way through the door as Naruto stared absently at the ceiling. Hatake had produced a small juggling ball, throwing it idly in the air. Naruto didn't know where the ball had some from, but Hatake had a habit of producing little things out of thin air, so he didn't question it too much.

“Hmm? Oh, yeah, sure. I'm fine.”

Hatake stopped throwing the ball. The look he gave Naruto was almost surgical, like he could remove all the skin from his muscle with just one eye. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah!” Naruto laughed and brought a hand up to his neck. “Yeah, sure I'm sure. Just, you know... it's embarrassing!”

“Sex-ed?”

“Yeah. Everyone laughing and stuff.”

“They laughed because they're stupid.”

Naruto blinked in surprise. It was characteristically blunt, but he wasn't sure teachers were allowed to talk about their students like that.

“Huh?”

“People often laugh at things they don't understand. I find that stupid.”

“Okay...”

Hatake smiled, eye crinkling. “Just because they don't understand, doesn't mean it's not understandable. People are what people are. There's nothing wrong with that.”

Naruto swallowed a little. “Okay.”

“What do you think?”

He'd never found his shoes so interesting. “Are you talking about Sasuke?”

“Yes, among other things.”

“Yeah,” Naruto said, raising his head to look Kakashi in the eye. “You're right, you know. He's a good guy. Like, sometimes he's a dick -”

“Language.”

“But he's a good guy.” Naruto paused. There was that silence again, begging to be filled. “He doesn't deserve some of the stuff people say. No one does.”

“Kiba?”

“No!” Naruto laughed. “Kiba's just – he's just like that. He's nice, just really, really straight.” Why did he say that? Was that incriminating? Perhaps it had something to do with the uncomfortable feeling Hatake gave him that he was made of plexiglass, something entirely see through. He barrelled on, hoping Hatake wouldn't realise his mistake. “Other people. Guys we don't really know.”

Hatake nodded. “I'll keep an eye out. Thank you.” He went back to playing with the juggling ball he'd conjured. “Go to your next class. And come talk to me if you need to, I'm usually in the science block.”

There didn't seem to be much else to say. Hatake had all but forgotten his existence and it felt for a moment as if Naruto was very much alone. It wasn't an unpleasant feeling, though. The same as finding a quiet spot no one else knows about, where your thoughts sit with you like friends.

He stayed a few moments longer than necessary. And then, when those thoughts started to crowd him rather than sit comfortably by his side, he left, diving back into the world of noise and distraction that school offered him.

*

In bed, going over the events of the day, Naruto had a epiphany. There was no reason not to be. He had good friends and a good guardian and good teachers (most of the time). He was a good person with good intentions and enough room to be allowed to breathe. He was good at pretending to be confident, but his confidence lived as a mask for what was beneath it. He knew himself, but not enough to say anything about it. He was still growing. And there was a lot to explore.

With that in mind, Naruto downloaded an app he was entirely aware he shouldn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think!


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